Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
