Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
