I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Randomize
