using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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