She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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