His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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