Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
