Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Sober January is a disaster.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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