I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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