Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
