ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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