Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
