my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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