i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
