first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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