my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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