just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Is Oprah even human
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
