yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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