What a fucking waste of an outfit
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
