hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
