I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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