i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
