This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
