last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
