i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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