remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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