please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
