Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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