your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
