I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
