i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
