For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
