Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
