There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize