I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
