Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
