Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
