i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
