I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
