After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
