Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
