I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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