I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
