watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Say something about gay babies.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize