How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
