yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
