we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You pole danced in your parka.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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