If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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