Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
