i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
