i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
