I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I need to calm my uterus...
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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