Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
