It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize