there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
