I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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