guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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