I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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