Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
