hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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