He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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