sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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