I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize