thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
