Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
