I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
