she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
