FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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