please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
