Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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