You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
