Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
