so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
