The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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